Tuesday, November 18, 2008

the last few days...

So, the weekend was good. It was a much needed respite from what I have been dealing with. We are now officially called, The Oregon Surgery Center...a division of Mercy Medical Center. We went "live" on Thursday of last week. I told Dr. Vu it was more of a "dead" than live. Well, everything changed on Thursday, including my pay! The paper work is different, the admitting is different, the way we get our medications is different, the way we order is different, the way we do everything CHANGED. I had 5 hours of OT by Friday. I am the one who likes to leave early any chance I get. I missed both of my little one's basketball games last week, because I was working. I missed her game today, because I was working. I was at work til 6 o'clock last night, til 5 tonight. I don't really see yet how this is better for us. I am trying soooooooooooo hard to have a good attitude and let the love of Jesus fill me up each and everyday. It is pretty tough!

Then, there is that sweet love of mine, the older daughter, whom I love so much it hurts, but she doesn't understand. She thinks I am just trying to keep her away from her "love". She doesn't see that it hurts me to see her hurt, it hurts me to see that she thinks someone who wants to lie and be dishonest and not love her enough to be honest about everything, is the one she thinks she needs to be with. The one who has drug her down so much, yet she clings too. My heart aches, I didn't know you could feel such pain for some one else. You moms, I ask your forgiveness if I ever hurt you in this way. I know we need to learn on our own and grow from our mistakes, but man, this is tough.
Thanks for loving me through my tough years.


Cheryl said...

They just grow up so fast! And it is so painful to see your child hurt. I pray you will find a way to communicate with her so she understands just how much you care.

Mommy Lion said...

Praying for you the both of you!