Sunday, October 28, 2012
This past week has felt like an emotional roller coaster for me. I have watched my girl be so upset and read that she is crying in public and having regrets and bad days and wishing for a miracle, but her putting on a happy face for me. It is heart wrenching. I just want to be there for her to share her heart and her soul with us. To know that no matter what it is, we want to walk the road with her. To share her burden, to talk her through her thoughts and feelings, to say, "it's ok". I have cried several times this week and that isn't something I do a lot of much anymore. I have prayed over her with tears running down my cheeks and my heart aching. Only for her to turn to me and say,"Mommy, I'm ok, really." Finally, after the week of shared tears over unsaid words, she opened up to her Daddy and I tonight. I feel a burden lifted, not because everything is fixed, but because we are with her now, we know what to pray for and what not to say. She is such an amazing little girl, she keeps her head held high, a smile on her face and a will to fight~ always. Once in a while, we need to let that fall and be who we were made to be. Thank you Jesus for carrying my burdens and answering my prayers.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
I haven't written in a while, I think and ponder things a lot but never seem to get them written down. Today, my heart is heavy as I watch my sweet girl fight a broken heart. She spent the entire summer hanging out with one of her best friends, a male, but a great friend. He was the one who would be there for the accountability and the encouragement, the Christian friend. They soon became infatuated with one another. They were the perfect pair, or so it seemed. But, something began to change in her, she didn't know what or how or why, but it was changing. He was perfect, on paper, he was the guy she was supposed to be with, but then it began being hard to be with him. She began not feeling like her self any more. She felt that she was straining to be her, when they were together. He blames himself, he's hurting, she's hurting and my heart hurts, because I love them both. Maybe, they are better as just friends. May the Lord be her guide, may He lead her in the direction He intends for her to go. May she feel His presence in her life and her decisions. May I be the Mom who encourages her to do what's right, even when it hurts. We can't please everyone all the time. She is so afraid of us being disappointed in her that she doesn't want to share her hurt. I pray that I don't put that pressure on her and that I give her the freedom to share, no matter what.