Sunday, October 28, 2012
This past week has felt like an emotional roller coaster for me. I have watched my girl be so upset and read that she is crying in public and having regrets and bad days and wishing for a miracle, but her putting on a happy face for me. It is heart wrenching. I just want to be there for her to share her heart and her soul with us. To know that no matter what it is, we want to walk the road with her. To share her burden, to talk her through her thoughts and feelings, to say, "it's ok". I have cried several times this week and that isn't something I do a lot of much anymore. I have prayed over her with tears running down my cheeks and my heart aching. Only for her to turn to me and say,"Mommy, I'm ok, really." Finally, after the week of shared tears over unsaid words, she opened up to her Daddy and I tonight. I feel a burden lifted, not because everything is fixed, but because we are with her now, we know what to pray for and what not to say. She is such an amazing little girl, she keeps her head held high, a smile on her face and a will to fight~ always. Once in a while, we need to let that fall and be who we were made to be. Thank you Jesus for carrying my burdens and answering my prayers.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
I haven't written in a while, I think and ponder things a lot but never seem to get them written down. Today, my heart is heavy as I watch my sweet girl fight a broken heart. She spent the entire summer hanging out with one of her best friends, a male, but a great friend. He was the one who would be there for the accountability and the encouragement, the Christian friend. They soon became infatuated with one another. They were the perfect pair, or so it seemed. But, something began to change in her, she didn't know what or how or why, but it was changing. He was perfect, on paper, he was the guy she was supposed to be with, but then it began being hard to be with him. She began not feeling like her self any more. She felt that she was straining to be her, when they were together. He blames himself, he's hurting, she's hurting and my heart hurts, because I love them both. Maybe, they are better as just friends. May the Lord be her guide, may He lead her in the direction He intends for her to go. May she feel His presence in her life and her decisions. May I be the Mom who encourages her to do what's right, even when it hurts. We can't please everyone all the time. She is so afraid of us being disappointed in her that she doesn't want to share her hurt. I pray that I don't put that pressure on her and that I give her the freedom to share, no matter what.
Monday, July 16, 2012
It has been 20 years since I said, "I do"! I find that hard to believe. Somedays it seems like yesterday and others....well, feels like forever. I found my fella while I was working at a grocery store, finishing up my high school career. I was just 17 years old, I saw this cute guy that I wanted to meet. He had dark hair and a sweet smile; he winked at every one! I thought his sweet demeanor and his flirtation was just what I needed!! So, I got someone to introduce me. Well, I didn't seem to catch his eye right away, so I started plotting a little bit. I worked during the day and he worked the evening shift. I knew that every day at exactly 2:30pm, he would walk down the "variety" aisle. So, guess which aisle I always found myself on at exactly 2:30pm each day? Yup, you guessed it, the variety aisle. One day, he asked me to go to lunch with him. That begins the story of our lives together. I have found marriage to be a challenge, not just with being with one person solely for life, but having that one person and their entire family become a part of your life forever; and they a part of your family. There are so many dynamics involved in sharing yourself with another family. I have found throughout the time that some members are just easier to get along with than others. Pretty profound, I know! It's almost like one side of the two sides of the family is easier to get along with. I am loved and cherished by the paternal side of his family, and not so much by the maternal. That in itself brings dynamics into your marriage. How do you, as a couple deal with this? This one question has taken nearly the entire 20 years to find the answer. I know that as I have grown and matured through time, my reactions and interactions with each of these members has improved. It helps to mold and shape me into a better person by learning to deal with different personalities and expectations of the different members. Along side of learning to deal with one another,and our family members.... we have added bills, work, children, church, life,house, friends......etc. God has been good to my hubby and I. We have two beautiful girls, beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. They have given us few challenges as parents, though not zero, we are blessed by not going through what some parents have had to deal with. We face a new chapter as we welcome a son in law into the family next month. I have rambled a bit on this post today, but I'm just sharing my thoughts. Share with me any you may have. Words of encouragement or advice; share with me. Happy 20th Anniversary to my sweet spirited hubby, through the good and the bad. We have made it well.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Friday, March 2, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
There has been so much going on these last few weeks, it is overwhelming my little brain.
Since Christmas, when Bugg and J got engaged time is going quickly. We originally decided that they would marry next summer. Peanut had her birthday, we ordered her a car, through a friend of ours...... a beautiful black 2003 Ford Mustang. It would be ready in a couple of weeks. Our friend got it at an auction in Reno, so we had to wait for it to arrive and then for him to do some finishing touches on it, before she could get it. We made the decision on her actual birthday, so the wait for her was incredible. We went to a wedding showcase in Eugene, two days after the kids decided to move up their wedding to this summer. After the wedding showcase, we went dress shopping at David's bridal.... she had to have this one! This one that she saw online and on sale! That's a bonus. Well, that wasn't the one she got, but it was close! Peanut took her driver's test and immediately was on the go. My girls; over a matter of a couple of weeks, both gained their independence and headed out. Very different scenarios, but the same nonetheless. I have had a bit of hard time dealing with things over these last few weeks. It has been quite the struggle. My friend's child is struggling with an eating disorder, my other friend's husband lost his job, my other friend's husband lost his mind and had to move to foster care, my other friend's child is living with his s.o. and not wanting to go back to college. Oh, the Lord is seeing how much I can handle. It was time to hit the floor, both knees and my head bowed low. I just laid it all out there for Him. He took my heavy heart and made it light. He gave me a peace that is indescribable. He set my feet on a firm foundation. He showed me that it's HIS to take care of, not mine. So that, my friends is the last few weeks in a nut shell. A crazy mind boggling nut shell. But, tomorrow is February, so start fresh and new. Til next time....