I have thought about what I wanted to write as a close to 2009, but for some reason all the words elude me. The year was not easy, emotionally mostly. God is still trying to show me things.
The year started with much pain and struggles as I watched my girl emerge from her dark pit. I lost friendships over her choices and my ignorance, I lost faith in myself and my ability to protect the most precious gift given to me. I dealt with police more than I ever wanted to and learned lessons on being a "good" parent. I felt the pain of loneliness, clinging only to my family because I didn't feel I could trust any one else. The experience is one I hope to never have to repeat. I don't want to be a "stupid" mom, who thinks her daughter couldn't or wouldn't be doing those things, I want to be the mom that knows my child is just as capable of making wrong choices as I am. We are not perfect, we love the God who is.
Our other little one grew so much in her summer trip to Costa Rica, she went away a little girl and came home a young lady. Her experiences were never to be repeated and some stay hidden in her heart, but she is a great little girl who has so much left to give.
My husband and I have isolated ourselves from nearly everyone and that is not easy for me. I am such a social being that not "being" with people has been extremely daunting for me. But I feel that I am in a place that I am supposed to be right now and God will bring us out in HIS time.
The girls have been our everything, maybe that is part of our problem too. We need to remember our Creator and serve Him with everything we have. Then everything else will fall into place.
This last few months have seen great strides in our Foundations efforts to bring the first cooperative tumor bank to Oregon. We are so close to making it happen. I look forward to the next several months as we help change the face of cancer research.
May you be blessed by the God of the Universe, may you see HIS face in the midst of your pain and know that through out all things, HE is the one we must answer to.
I am looking forward to 2010 with my eyes lifted high and my heart filled with JOY.