Grace

The last few weeks on Wednesday, I have a little Bible study with Liz Curtis Higgs via her blog. It is a new way to do Bible study, but a blessing, nonetheless. I have been going through her book, "Embrace Grace~Welcome to the Forgiven Life". Let me tell you what, this study has done for me, I have a weight lifted off my shoulders, the grace that the Lord has bestowed upon me has reclaimed my heart and found my head. I have been suffering with the lies of the enemy, the "you're not good enough", "he hasn't forgiven you", "you're not worthy to be called a child of the King". Those words have had a party in my head the last couple of years. My heart has become heavy, my head full of filth, the ache for Christ's love overwhelming me. Praise Jesus that I have connected with Liz, she IS an encourager. Her words were directly from God to me. I am not over it, I am not completely set free, but I am connected with a counselor, who loves Jesus and Jesus loves me! I will conquer the demons inside my head, that want to play chess with my heart, I will rule over the enemy and his lies to defeat me. I will celebrate Jesus and His grace, because He loves me so. Praise you, Jesus for helping me come home.

My Story

The Joy Dare continues to keep me thinking. I picked JOY for my "one word" for 2013, so being able to do the JOY DARE daily has been good for me. Three things.... three very different things. "three gifts red" "three gifts on paper" "three gifts found in writing" Those are just the first few days of February. Thinking.... pondering.... what gifts so unthought of can I find each day. Am I one of the faithful? That was the thought yesterday at church. Will I be one of the faithful ready to be thrown into the fiery furnance? Am I living my life outloud for the Lord in such a way, that I could be charged with loving Him so much that I deserve the fiery furnance? Does my life live a window into the heart of Jesus? Do I show that although my mundane every day tasks seem menial, my hope is in a future that is unfathomable for us to comprehend? Can I see that my life is a story? A story being written by the Author who knows the end? I read the blog today at (in)courage from Tsh Oxenreider and it blessed my heart. These thoughts that my ordinary, everyday, simple life can be part of a bigger story being written by the Author. It goes to show me that even when I think it may not matter, the ultimate plot of my life is God's plan for me. I need to be ok with that, I need to praise Him for that, I need to thank Him for that. I need to remember that, in the moments when I can't seem to catch my breath.... God is there and He is writing my story.

Starting again

Happy 2013! I cannot believe it is already 2013! My baby girl turned 17, my eldest is married and I am still doing the same old stuff. I have been thinking about returning to the blogging world for quite some time. I have been reading a lot of blogs... like Ann Voskamp and Rivera Douthit. I am encouraged by them and feel that maybe I should be writing again. It is always good for me to share my heart in writing. I am enjoying the Joy Dare by Ann Voskamp. She is a speaker for Women of Faith, author and mother of 6, who lives on a farm! She has challenging words for my head and my heart. She is a Jesus lover and simplistic, yet thought provoking. The Joy Dare has got me looking for 3 things each day that are either a gift or a grace. She has it all lined out by day of the month, I just had to print it out. So, my journal is filling with words of gratitude and grace and gifts each day. Some days are good and some days are ok, some are down right hard, hard to find the grace or the gift for that occurance. But, I think by doing so it will bring me JOY. Speaking of JOY, it is my one word for 2013. Rivera Douthit, on her blog, has encouraged me to find my one word that would bring me to my purpose or my goals for the year. Through thoughts and murmurings of the Holy Spirit, I felt that JOY was my word. Mostly, because I feel at times that I have lost my JOY. I need to find it again, so my journey of 2013 has begun. Find my JOY. In searching for this, I began doing an online Bible Study with Liz Curtis Higgs in the fall. It was the story of Ruth. The Girl's Still Got It, was the title of the book. We would read a chapter, answer the questions and then read her words about the chapter, her answers to the questions and be able to comment to one another. I found it very encouraging when Liz, herself would write back to each one of us who were participating. So, I continued. I did the Women of Christmas study with her, and now I am "EMBRACing GRACE", in her current online bible study through her blog at www.lizcurtishiggs.com. SO worth it to me and for my time. I enjoy reading my sweet friends blog, The Lion's Den, because they are on East Coast time and I don't get to hear from them as often as I would like, time differences, schedules, and the like. So, that is an important blog I like to keep up on. So my prayer and my heart is to blog a little bit more. Hope that it will be an encouragement to someone else as others are to me.

?Roller Coaster

This past week has felt like an emotional roller coaster for me. I have watched my girl be so upset and read that she is crying in public and having regrets and bad days and wishing for a miracle, but her putting on a happy face for me. It is heart wrenching. I just want to be there for her to share her heart and her soul with us. To know that no matter what it is, we want to walk the road with her. To share her burden, to talk her through her thoughts and feelings, to say, "it's ok". I have cried several times this week and that isn't something I do a lot of much anymore. I have prayed over her with tears running down my cheeks and my heart aching. Only for her to turn to me and say,"Mommy, I'm ok, really." Finally, after the week of shared tears over unsaid words, she opened up to her Daddy and I tonight. I feel a burden lifted, not because everything is fixed, but because we are with her now, we know what to pray for and what not to say. She is such an amazing little girl, she keeps her head held high, a smile on her face and a will to fight~ always. Once in a while, we need to let that fall and be who we were made to be. Thank you Jesus for carrying my burdens and answering my prayers.

A little broken heart

I haven't written in a while, I think and ponder things a lot but never seem to get them written down. Today, my heart is heavy as I watch my sweet girl fight a broken heart. She spent the entire summer hanging out with one of her best friends, a male, but a great friend. He was the one who would be there for the accountability and the encouragement, the Christian friend. They soon became infatuated with one another. They were the perfect pair, or so it seemed. But, something began to change in her, she didn't know what or how or why, but it was changing. He was perfect, on paper, he was the guy she was supposed to be with, but then it began being hard to be with him. She began not feeling like her self any more. She felt that she was straining to be her, when they were together. He blames himself, he's hurting, she's hurting and my heart hurts, because I love them both. Maybe, they are better as just friends. May the Lord be her guide, may He lead her in the direction He intends for her to go. May she feel His presence in her life and her decisions. May I be the Mom who encourages her to do what's right, even when it hurts. We can't please everyone all the time. She is so afraid of us being disappointed in her that she doesn't want to share her hurt. I pray that I don't put that pressure on her and that I give her the freedom to share, no matter what.

Twenty Years....

It has been 20 years since I said, "I do"! I find that hard to believe. Somedays it seems like yesterday and others....well, feels like forever. I found my fella while I was working at a grocery store, finishing up my high school career. I was just 17 years old, I saw this cute guy that I wanted to meet. He had dark hair and a sweet smile; he winked at every one! I thought his sweet demeanor and his flirtation was just what I needed!! So, I got someone to introduce me. Well, I didn't seem to catch his eye right away, so I started plotting a little bit. I worked during the day and he worked the evening shift. I knew that every day at exactly 2:30pm, he would walk down the "variety" aisle. So, guess which aisle I always found myself on at exactly 2:30pm each day? Yup, you guessed it, the variety aisle. One day, he asked me to go to lunch with him. That begins the story of our lives together. I have found marriage to be a challenge, not just with being with one person solely for life, but having that one person and their entire family become a part of your life forever; and they a part of your family. There are so many dynamics involved in sharing yourself with another family. I have found throughout the time that some members are just easier to get along with than others. Pretty profound, I know! It's almost like one side of the two sides of the family is easier to get along with. I am loved and cherished by the paternal side of his family, and not so much by the maternal. That in itself brings dynamics into your marriage. How do you, as a couple deal with this? This one question has taken nearly the entire 20 years to find the answer. I know that as I have grown and matured through time, my reactions and interactions with each of these members has improved. It helps to mold and shape me into a better person by learning to deal with different personalities and expectations of the different members. Along side of learning to deal with one another,and our family members.... we have added bills, work, children, church, life,house, friends......etc. God has been good to my hubby and I. We have two beautiful girls, beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. They have given us few challenges as parents, though not zero, we are blessed by not going through what some parents have had to deal with. We face a new chapter as we welcome a son in law into the family next month. I have rambled a bit on this post today, but I'm just sharing my thoughts. Share with me any you may have. Words of encouragement or advice; share with me. Happy 20th Anniversary to my sweet spirited hubby, through the good and the bad. We have made it well.

Easter 2012

This photo collage generated with Smilebox